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# Grown-Ass Adults Stole Halloween From the Kids
- URL: https://rough-edges.ghost.io/how-halloween-got-hijacked/
- Published: 2026-10-26T23:28:32.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-27T16:06:00.000Z
- Author: Joe Durst
- Tags: Joe's Observations

# 

I've got a question, and I'd really like somebody to explain this shit to me.

When the hell did Halloween become a holiday for grown adults? Seriously. When did that happen? Was there some kind of meeting I wasn't invited to? Did a bunch of forty-year-olds get together at Applebee's one night and decide that little kids had been having entirely too much fun for entirely too long?

Because that's about what it looks like to me.

Somewhere along the way, a bunch of selfish, greedy, attention-starved grown-ass adults decided they weren't getting enough attention the other 364 days of the year, so they needed to take Halloween away from the kids, too.

And the really pathetic part is that Halloween was probably the easiest damn holiday in the world to pull off. Nobody had to buy expensive presents. Nobody had to cook a turkey. Nobody had to invite seventeen relatives over to the house and pretend they liked each other. All you had to do was buy a bag of candy, turn on your porch light, and answer the door when a little kid dressed like Spider-Man knocked on it.

That was the whole goddamn job.

But apparently that wasn't good enough. Now we've got adults spending hundreds of dollars dressing themselves up, competing with their neighbors over decorations, throwing elaborate parties, and running around with their own trick-or-treat bags like a bunch of overgrown toddlers.

What the fuck happened to us?

## Back When Halloween Was Actually Halloween

When I was growing up, Halloween was a pretty big deal. Not because anybody spent a fortune on it, either. Grandma Arlene didn't have that kind of money, and even if she had, I seriously doubt she'd have spent it on some ridiculous costume I was going to wear for three hours.

If I wanted to be a ghost, we found an old sheet. If I wanted to be something else, we figured it out with whatever junk we had laying around. I remember kids showing up dressed in costumes that looked like their parents had put them together during a power outage. Nobody gave a shit. We weren't trying to win a fashion contest. We were trying to get candy.

And I didn't carry one of those little plastic pumpkins, either. I carried a pillowcase. I wasn't going out there to collect six pieces of candy and call it a night. I intended to bring home enough sugar to keep a dentist employed until Christmas.

Grandma Arlene would always inspect my candy when I got home, which was funny because every damn Reese's Peanut Butter Cup seemed to require some kind of special examination that involved her eating it.

I never did figure that one out.

But here's what I remember about those nights. I remember running around with the other kids. I remember seeing a porch light on and getting excited because that meant somebody was home handing out candy. I remember being cold and not giving a damn because I was having too much fun.

What I don't remember is a bunch of grown adults trying to make the evening about themselves.

They stayed home. They answered the door. They told us our costumes looked good, even when we looked like absolute hell. Some of them would give you an extra piece of candy if you were polite.

And that was that.

Nobody needed to be the star of Halloween. The adults understood that it wasn't their turn.

Apparently we've raised an entire generation of grown people who can't comprehend that concept.

## You're Forty-Five Years Old. Go Buy Your Own Goddamn Candy.

Now, here's where I'm probably going to piss some people off. Which is fine. I've got a pretty good feeling the people I'm about to describe are going to recognize themselves.

Why in the hell are grown adults going trick-or-treating?

And don't give me that bullshit about doing it with your kids. I'm not talking about a mother walking her four-year-old around the neighborhood and somebody offering her a candy bar. That's perfectly normal.

I'm talking about grown men and women showing up at somebody's door with their own bags, expecting people to fill them up.

You've got a job. You've got a car. You've got a checking account. Some of you have grandchildren, for Christ's sake. Yet here you are standing on somebody's porch dressed like a slutty pirate, holding out a plastic pumpkin because you apparently can't afford to buy yourself a fucking Snickers.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Somebody went to Walmart, spent thirty or forty dollars on candy, and put it in a bowl because they wanted to do something nice for the neighborhood kids. Not because they wanted to feed every adult within a five-mile radius who was too cheap to buy their own chocolate.

And some of these people have absolutely no shame about it. They'll hold their bags out right beside their children's bags, and if you only give them one piece, they'll look at you like you're the cheap bastard.

No, sweetheart. The cheap bastard is the grown woman standing on my porch begging for free candy while wearing a costume that probably cost more than my electric bill.

Go home.

And while we're talking about candy, can we address the parents who complain about what their kids get?

I've heard people bitch because somebody handed out Tootsie Rolls instead of chocolate bars. I've heard people complain about those little boxes of raisins. I've seen grown adults acting like the people answering their doors owe them some kind of premium Halloween experience.

It's free candy, you ungrateful son of a bitch.

Teach your kid to say thank you and move along.

## Apparently Everybody Needs to Be the Center of Attention

I don't know when adults became so goddamn desperate to be noticed, but it's getting embarrassing.

Now we've got grown people planning their Halloween costumes months in advance. They're booking makeup appointments, buying matching outfits, organizing elaborate parties, and taking more pictures of themselves than a teenage girl getting ready for prom.

And the social media part of it is absolutely ridiculous.

Here's Karen dressed like a sexy witch. Here's Karen and her husband dressed like characters from a movie. Here's Karen's entire family wearing matching costumes because God forbid one of those children gets to decide what the hell he wants to be.

Then we get forty-seven pictures of the whole production, followed by a post about what wonderful memories they're making.

For who, Karen?

Because your six-year-old looks like he's about two seconds away from telling you to shove that camera up your ass.

The kid wanted to be a dinosaur. You wanted him dressed like some character from a television show so your family photographs would match.

And somehow you've convinced yourself this is all about making his childhood special.

Bullshit. It's about you.

Now, don't misunderstand me. I don't have a problem with adults enjoying Halloween. If you want to dress up and go to a party, knock yourself out. If you want to sit around drinking beer with your buddies while wearing a Batman costume, that's your business.

But there's a difference between having fun and being so damn self-absorbed that you can't let your children enjoy something without making yourself the main attraction.

And that's what I think has happened. Adults don't want to participate in their children's Halloween anymore. They want their children to participate in theirs.

There's a hell of a difference.

## Your Front Yard Looks Like Shit, and Your Porch Is Falling Apart

I've been in construction long enough to know that people will spend an unbelievable amount of money on the dumbest shit imaginable.

Halloween decorations are a perfect example.

You've got people putting twelve-foot skeletons in their yards, inflatable monsters on their roofs, fog machines in their driveways, and enough orange lights wrapped around their houses to guide a goddamn airplane in for a landing.

Meanwhile, the porch railing is hanging on by two rusty screws, the steps are rotting, and the gutters haven't been cleaned since George Bush was president.

But thank God you've got a nine-hundred-dollar animated werewolf standing beside the mailbox.

Priorities, people.

And I know somebody's going to say, "Joe, why do you care what people spend their money on?"

I don't. Spend your money however you want. Hell, buy twenty skeletons and put one in the passenger seat of your truck. I couldn't care less.

What I find ridiculous is the competition.

It ain't enough to carve a pumpkin anymore. Now you've got to turn your front yard into a haunted amusement park because the neighbors put up a bigger display last year.

Then the neighbors have to outdo you, and before you know it, everybody on the street has spent a thousand dollars trying to impress people they don't even particularly like.

And here's the funny part. A little kid would probably be just as happy walking up to a porch with one crooked jack-o'-lantern and somebody handing out a Reese's.

But nobody gives a shit what the kid wants anymore.

The adults have decided Halloween needs to be impressive.

Well, congratulations. I'm impressed. You've managed to spend three grand on plastic garbage while completely missing the point of the holiday.

## Some of You Need to Put Your Damn Phones Away

Here's another thing.

Parents, you don't have to photograph every single goddamn thing your child does.

I realize this is going to come as a shock to some of you, but it's entirely possible for a child to have a wonderful experience without you documenting it for six hundred people on Facebook.

Take a picture of the costume before you leave the house. Fine. I did that kind of thing with Tucker, too.

But then put the phone in your pocket and pay attention to your kid.

Let him walk up to the doors. Let him get excited when somebody hands him a full-size candy bar. Let him run into one of his buddies from school and compare costumes.

You don't need to interrupt every five minutes because you want another picture.

And for God's sake, quit making your children pose for photographs when they're clearly miserable.

I've seen pictures of little kids standing there with tears in their eyes while their parents are grinning like idiots because everybody's wearing matching costumes.

What a wonderful family memory. Your kid's having a nervous breakdown, but at least the pictures look good.

Tucker's a teenager now, and I can tell you something about raising a kid. Those little years go by a hell of a lot faster than you think they will.

One year you're walking around the neighborhood with a little boy who thinks getting a handful of candy is the greatest thing that's ever happened to him. Then you blink a couple of times, and suddenly he's a teenager who thinks you're an idiot and doesn't want to be seen standing next to you in public.

You don't get those years back.

And if you spend them worrying about how everything looks to other people, you're going to miss an awful lot of the good stuff.

## Quit Making Halloween Another Expensive Pain in the Ass

You know what else bothers me about all this?

The parents who genuinely can't afford to keep up.

There are mothers and fathers out there working their asses off just to pay the rent, buy groceries, and keep gas in the car. They don't have two hundred dollars to spend on costumes. They don't have money for elaborate decorations or professionally made Halloween treats for the entire classroom.

And they sure as hell don't need some asshole on social media making them feel like they're failing their children because they didn't turn October into a month-long celebration.

Grandma Arlene didn't have much money when I was growing up. She did the best she could with what she had, and somehow I managed to have a pretty damn good childhood.

Imagine that.

I didn't need a seventy-dollar costume. I didn't need a yard full of decorations. I didn't need somebody making Halloween-themed pancakes shaped like little ghosts.

I needed a costume, a pillowcase, and permission to go collect candy.

And if you're one of those parents who can only afford to put together a homemade costume, don't you dare feel bad about it.

I've seen kids wearing costumes made out of cardboard boxes and duct tape that looked better than some of the expensive garbage hanging in stores.

And even if the costume looks like shit, who cares?

Your kid made it. He's proud of it. Let him enjoy it.

The only people who ought to be embarrassed are the grown adults who've turned a perfectly good childhood holiday into another opportunity to show everybody how much money they can spend.

## And Leave the Teenagers Alone

While I'm bitching about grown people ruining Halloween, I've got one more thing to get off my chest.

Quit giving teenagers shit for trick-or-treating.

Every year, somebody gets on Facebook complaining about kids who are fifteen or sixteen years old coming to their doors asking for candy.

Really?

We spend the other eleven months of the year complaining that teenagers don't go outside anymore. We bitch because they're always on their phones, playing video games, and sitting around the house.

Then Halloween comes along, and some sixteen-year-old decides to put on a costume, get outside, and have a little harmless fun.

And here comes some miserable old bastard telling him he's too old for candy.

Make up your goddamn minds.

If a teenager comes to my door wearing a costume and says trick-or-treat, he's getting candy.

He's not stealing my truck. He's not breaking into my garage. He's not doing anything except enjoying one of the last few opportunities he's got to act like a kid.

Let him.

Hell, give him an extra piece.

At least he's not standing there with his forty-seven-year-old mother demanding her own share.

## Give the Kids Their Damn Holiday Back

I guess what really pisses me off about all this is how unbelievably selfish we've become.

We've got grown adults who can't stand the thought of not being included in something. Everything has to be about them. Every holiday has to be an opportunity to dress up, show off, spend money, take pictures, and get attention.

And now they've managed to do it to Halloween.

One of the few holidays that was almost entirely about children.

Think about how pathetic that is.

We couldn't even leave the little bastards one night to themselves.

And I'm not asking anybody to give up having fun. I'm asking grown adults to remember they're grown adults.

You want to throw a Halloween party? Throw one. You want to decorate your house? Decorate it. You want to dress like a slutty nurse and get drunk with your friends? Have at it.

But quit acting like the entire holiday exists for your entertainment.

And for the love of God, quit expecting strangers to hand you free candy.

This Halloween, I'd like to see people do something really unusual.

Buy a bag of candy. Turn on the porch light. Sit your ass down and wait for the kids to show up.

When some little girl dressed like a princess knocks on your door, tell her she looks beautiful.

When some little boy shows up wearing a cardboard robot costume that looks like his dad made it out of a refrigerator box, tell him it's the best damn robot you've seen all night.

And when a teenager comes walking up the driveway wearing a cheap mask, give him a candy bar and let him enjoy himself.

If you're taking your own kids trick-or-treating, let them have fun without turning the whole evening into a goddamn photo shoot.

That's it.

You don't need a fog machine. You don't need matching costumes. You don't need an inflatable graveyard or a thousand-dollar Halloween display.

And you sure as hell don't need your own trick-or-treat bag.

Grandma Arlene gave me some wonderful Halloweens without any of that shit.

I still remember those nights. I remember the costumes, the neighborhood, the candy, and how excited I was to get home and dump everything out on the kitchen table.

I remember Grandma Arlene stealing my Reese's under the highly suspicious excuse of checking them for safety.

And I remember being a little kid who got to spend one whole evening doing something that was just for us kids.

I'd like to see children today have that same experience.

But apparently that's asking an awful lot from a bunch of grown-ass adults who can't stand not being the center of attention.

**Grow the fuck up. It's Halloween. Let the kids have it.**