I Don't Think Men are Very Good at Being Friends

I don't think men are very good at being friends.

Well.

That ain't exactly right.

We're good at having friends.

We're just kinda shitty at the friendship part sometimes.

I was thinking about this the other day.

A man can know another man for 20 years and not know his birthday.

Don't know his middle name.

Don't know half the shit going on in his life.

But he'll remember that bastard borrowed his drill three years ago and never brought it back.

That's men.

And we can go forever without talking to each other.

Months.

Then one of em calls.

"What're you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Can you come over and help me with something?"

"Yeah."

And that's it.

You go over there.

Help him move something or fix something or whatever the hell he needed.

Stand around awhile.

Talk about work.

Talk about somebody being an asshole.

Maybe drink a beer.

Then you go home.

Nobody says it was good seeing you.

Nobody says we oughta do this more often.

Hell no.

"Alright man."

"Alright."

And you're good for another six months.

WE DON'T ASK MUCH EITHER

This is where I think we're kinda stupid.

Your buddy can look like absolute hell.

"You alright?"

"Yeah."

"Alright."

Well there ya go.

Glad we got to the bottom of that.

Man could be going through the worst shit of his life.

Marriage is falling apart.

Lost his job.

Can't sleep.

Don't know how he's gonna pay his bills.

Whatever.

But he said he's alright.

And we're men.

We respect a thorough medical evaluation like that.

I do the same shit.

Ask me how I'm doing and I'm probably gonna tell ya I'm good.

Or alright.

That's about what you're getting.

Could be having the worst fucking day I've had in years.

"How ya doing Joe?"

Good.

That's stupid when you think about it.

But that's what we do.

WE'D RATHER COME FIX SOMETHING

Now if you call me and tell me something broke?

That's different.

I'm there.

Need help moving something?

Alright.

Truck won't start?

Pop the hood.

Something at the house is fucked up?

Lemme see it.

Men are good at that kinda shit.

Give us something to do.

That's easy.

Problem is life hands you shit sometimes that you can't fix with a wrench.

Somebody's marriage falls apart.

Somebody loses somebody.

Somebody's just having a shitty time and can't seem to get outta it.

Now what?

I don't fucking know.

That's where we get awkward.

"You need anything?"

"Nah."

"Alright."

Then we stand there.

Cause what the hell else are you supposed to say?

BUT WE KNOW

That's the thing.

We know when something ain't right.

You can tell.

Guy you've known forever ain't talking as much.

Or he's talking too much.

Stops calling.

Stops coming around.

Something sounds different when you talk to him.

You know.

You might not know what the hell's wrong.

But you know something is.

And I think sometimes we don't ask because we don't wanna get in somebody's business.

Which I understand.

I don't particularly like people digging around in mine either.

But maybe sometimes we oughta ask twice.

"You alright?"

"Yeah."

"You sure?"

That's it.

If he says he's good again, fine.

Leave him the hell alone.

But at least he knows you noticed.

Maybe that's worth something.

I AIN'T ANY BETTER AT THIS SHIT

I know I'm sitting here talking about what men oughta do.

I'm probably one of the worst ones.

I handle shit myself.

Always have.

Sometimes that's good.

Sometimes it's probably stupid.

There's been plenty of times I could've called somebody and didn't.

Didn't wanna bother em.

Didn't wanna talk about it.

Figured I'd handle it.

And most of the time I did.

But getting older has made me think about some of this shit differently.

People come and go.

Somebody you used to talk to all the time moves away.

Somebody gets married.

Changes jobs.

Life gets busy.

Next thing you know you haven't talked in two years.

And nobody got mad.

Nothing happened.

You just stopped.

That's kinda sad when you think about it.

Then there's people who don't just drift away.

They're gone.

And that's different.

Cause there ain't any calling em next week.

That's when you start thinking about shit you should've said when you had the chance.

And I don't like thinking about that much.

So I'm gonna move on before I get all fucked up here.

MAYBE WE OUGHTA DO A LITTLE BETTER

I'm not saying call every man you know tonight and tell him how much you love him.

Don't do that.

Some poor bastard's gonna think you've got six months to live.

I'm just saying maybe call somebody once in awhile.

Especially somebody you ain't heard from.

"What're you doing?"

That's enough.

He'll know what that means.

And if you got somebody who's always showed up for you...

Maybe tell him you appreciate it.

Doesn't gotta turn into some big goddamn moment.

"Thanks man."

There.

Done.

Everybody can go back to being uncomfortable now.

I DON'T KNOW

Maybe men ain't bad at friendship after all.

Maybe we just do it different.

A good friend ain't necessarily the guy who calls you every day.

Might be the guy you haven't talked to in three months who'll still answer the phone at 2 in the morning.

The guy who shows up.

The guy who helps without making you explain everything first.

The guy who can sit there with you and not feel like somebody's gotta fill every damn second with talking.

That's worth something.

Probably worth more than we say.

Well shit.

Look at me.

Started out talking about how men don't know their friends' birthdays and now I'm sitting here getting sentimental.

That's enough of that.

I got shit to do.

But if there's somebody you ain't talked to in awhile...

Call em.

Don't make it weird.

Don't tell em Joe Durst wrote some heartfelt shit on the internet and inspired you.

I'll deny it.

Just say...

"What're you doing?"

He'll know.