This Is Me — Part Two — Why Don't You Date?

Because I don't want to.

That's really the answer.

I don't know why people have such a hard damn time with it.

I'm single. I don't date. So apparently there must be something wrong.

Don't you get lonely? Haven't you met the right woman? You just haven't found the right one yet.

Maybe I don't fucking want to find her.

Ever think of that?

I've had women disappoint me most of my life. My mother was probably the first one.

I'm not getting into all that right now. There's a whole lot of shit there and this ain't the place for it.

There were some things when I was younger too. Things I probably didn't understand at the time the way I understand them now.

Another story. Maybe another day.

Then I got Tucker's mother pregnant. We were young. Getting married seemed like what you were supposed to do when that happened.

So we got married.

Then life got real. Real damn fast.

Now I've got a wife. A kid. Bills. More bills. And I'm trying to figure out how the hell I'm gonna pay for all of it.

So I worked. Then I worked more. Started making better money. So naturally my dumb ass worked even more.

That's kinda what I do.

I get something in my head and I go. Sometimes I don't know when to shut the damn thing off.

Still don't.

Eventually the marriage fell apart. She left. Tucker stayed with me.

Best thing that ever happened to me came outta something that didn't work worth a shit.

Funny how that happens.

I've been with women since then. Still am sometimes.

I'm not a damn monk.

But dating?

No.

I don't want to.

And people have actually talked to me like they feel sorry for me over that.

That's the part that gets me.

Why the hell do you feel sorry for me?

I'm not sitting home staring out the window hoping somebody comes along and saves me.

I'm usually doing exactly what I wanna be doing.

I think some people have a hard time believing a person can be alone and not be lonely.

Those are two completely different things to me.

I like being alone. I like quiet. I like getting inside my own head. Probably spend too much damn time in there, but I like it.

I'll get an idea and spend two days screwing around with it. Research the hell out of something. Start some little business. Build something. Go fishing. Sit outside. Drink my coffee.

I can entertain myself just fine.

Meanwhile I watch people spend hours every week trying to find somebody. Swiping on people. Messaging people. Going on dates. Trying to make something work with somebody they don't even seem to like all that damn much.

Why?

Because you're supposed to have somebody?

If that's what you want, go get it. I don't give a shit.

But I don't understand why everybody assumes I should want it too.

I decided a long time ago I'd rather put that time into me. Into Tucker. Into whatever the hell we're doing. Into whatever idea I've got stuck in my head this week.

And I like my life.

That's the thing.

I actually like it.

If I wanna go fishing, I go fishing. If I wanna work until midnight on some dumbass idea that probably ain't gonna make me a dime, I can. If I wanna sit outside and not say a damn word to anybody for three hours, nobody's asking me what's wrong.

Nothing's wrong.

I'm sitting outside.

Leave me the hell alone.

Maybe that's selfish.

Alright.

I'm selfish.

I'm 40-something years old. I've earned the right to be a little damn selfish with my own life.

I've spent enough of it doing shit because I thought I was supposed to.

I'm not doing that anymore.

Could some woman come along tomorrow and change all this?

I guess.

Anything can happen.

Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and decide I like golf too.

Wouldn't bet money on either one.

I'm not looking.

That's the point.

I'm not searching for the missing piece of my life.

There isn't one.

I've got Tucker. I've got work. I've got fishing. I've got my coffee. I've got a bunch of shit going on that keeps my brain busy.

I've got a life that I actually like waking up to.

That's enough.

So why don't I date?

Because I don't want to.

Told you that at the beginning.

Could've saved you a hell of a lot of reading if you'd just believed me the first time. - Joe

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